Read me, you’re most likely featured!
This is an invite to have a really good laugh through this read, also a prompt as to the activities of the 7th day of April.
This they said is a big age (closer to 30 and farther from twenty), and I Low key want cake and all of that celebration/pampering that comes with birthdays! I think I just want to be babied really. (This a bold request for someone who stopped being a baby a little too early) but yeah, I want that.
Spa treatment, dinner date, and a cute little evening with friends (as I no get love of my life)😭 on the bright side, no one will send me the infamous boxers and singlet!😂
if you’re doing love and you’re my friend, I’m your significant other for this day (tell me you love me after you call me, or at the end of your text), and if you’re not doing love, even better! Tell me you love me still.
The Reason we’re gathered here! PS there’s going to be a lot of name-calling here, so get ready! If you don’t see your name, you’ll see mine when you input my account number into your bank app. Gracias!
I dreamt of the perfect birthday, but I didn’t even let it finish before I woke up! Make I no use imagination kill myself. Let me let you in on the cracks of the dream, definitely don’t remember them all. (By the way, this is a message to my mommy, daddy, siblings, uncles, aunts, cousins, my dearest friends, well-wishers, and everyone that gets to read this).
It’s Good Friday that day, so there’s no work I’ll be home, provided it’s Ramadan there was less food, lots of sleep, text messages here and there, and credit alerts (I’ll put my account details at the bottom of this post, send moneyyy! Thank youuu).
I got sent out of the office last week for dress code you guys, I had to go to the market to get on the groove of tie and shoe (man’s your latest banker!) so I’ve been ranting about this for a while about how it’s not calm, I don’t like it, yen yen yen (liessssss bruhhh! I fucking love the image that stares back at me in the mirror!) I look like I have more than 2,500 in my account! (News flash, I don’t! Na 2,499.99 like ShopRite commodity price deh inside) in other words, I got these amazing brogues and Oxford from my darling sister (the only one sister that my mother birthed for me), it was lovely (I’ll attach pictures and where to get them).
My mommy bought me a new PC as I’ve been complaining about this to her for a while! It was an elite book guys! I wanted a Mac, but that 1.2m seems a little too unrealistic (even for my dream!😭😭)
That man called my daddy! He’s the MVP, he went all out, bought me a suit and tie, and told me to go get a better job to buy the phone I requested! (Even for dream him show me pepper), no be so life supposed be sha.
My brother my brother! My mother’s last born, the first of his name, odogwu weh deh wear sunshade, Complete accessories to compliment the phone I’m supposed to work for, new pods, new watch, and a little 50k change to buy water! The real MVP!
Alamu my bestie in collaboration with Adio olowo ori Oko Iyawo(that is getting married soonest)! My baller friends, these guys renew and upgraded my gym subscription! I respect una oo, )we go spray money for my guy wedding!!!).
We have a lot more people and items that didn’t feature like my skincare from my one and only CEO of SKINDATE friend that will repair and replenish the damages done to my skin, Or my banker friend that will be adding to the collection of my gym fits (shoes inclusive), Or my SWIFTSAHARAn odogwu that would be supporting with my gym fits! Coconut man or what do you call yourself? Free gym training throughout the year and you always cook for me at request till the end of the month. My lover that is leaving me, you put me in your handbag please (I couldn’t breathe well when you left). Ore mi in the UAE and the other Ore mi in the UK! You need to see the check you both sent me! I’m sure you were amazed too. My Ibadan friend with dreads, the sneakers you sent me were sick! My newly found Tea place besties, you guys are the best! I can’t even tell people what you gave me.
Save the best for last they said, the biggest dream down this pipe is for me to be the absolute love of the life of the absolute love of my life! Or she could just outshine all these people and give me all her money (We can forget about the love if she does that). Who love help? “Purrrrrrrrrrrrr”
My boss featured too you guysss, 100% raise in salary and a week off work to spend time with friends and family.
PS I present to you my dream through cracks, I hope you find yourself in here somewhere.❤️
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So when I started writing this piece, I wanted to do corporate begging for my household members, but somewhere along the line, I had fun doing it, so I tried to remember most of the people I really care about in this big but tiny world. I hope you look at this and smile as much as I did while writing it. I love you guys loads! Obviously my mommy first, then the rest of you guys.
PS the use of mommy in this article is highly intentional, don’t come for me Abeg.
Your best friend, Son, Boyfriend, Friend, Fiancé and all that applies
x- Tobi Ahmad
