January: My favorite month of the year.

If you were the ocean, I’ll be the wave.

January is all the months combined, January likes to hide and not come out to play, January doesn’t like you, January likes me. January you probably won’t ever know, but January is jade, January is words that are spoken but only to January’s ears. “January is steamy” I said, “they need the heat, give them” January responded. This is to present January.

So, to January…

When I realized how much of you I was in love with, I rallied my thoughts around how this was starting to happen. I thought I was cautious to not get here, but here we are. Not a bone in my body doesn’t love your entirety, down to the hair yet to pop out of a follicle, to the moon, and back.

The ways I’ll want to love you, I have thought about, over and over and over again. Let’s say this is just a trigger.

I wake up wishing I went to bed with you in my arms, your legs wrapped around, and your head on my chest (Sometimes I want my head on your chest with my head rubbed by you).

I wake up in the morning yearning to breathe the same air as you, thinking of the possibility of grabbing the first bite of the day with you (something about cooking you a meal in, or not)

I sometimes think about how you enjoy cooking and we learn a recipe together, try to cook it out, and laugh in the process (I’m in love with the way you laugh, smile, walk, talk, think, sit, eat, and everything else that you do)

I think about looking you in the eyes, pulling you into my arms, and just staying there in silence for longer than a moment letting my heartbeat sync with yours till we can’t tell apart which is which.

I think about playing dress up with you sometimes, going on a beautiful candlelight dinner date, subtle casual yet exotic with my heart on my sleeve for you to see

I think about laying together in the same bed with you, watching you do the things you wanna do and me doing what I wanna do

I think about subconsciously drawing circles on your palm, back, or thighs just carried away in the thought of you

I think about giving my shoulders out to you so you never need one and do not have it

I think about being 70 and I still look and see the star you carry for eyes

I think about the days when we’re not as happy but I’ll remember that you mean the entirety of the world to me

I think about you, all the time

I think about learning your every nook and cranny so I’ll know how to make my world the perfect one for you to live in

I think about the future that you want and how we can get there

I think about the you I know and how I can be a better me to fit with that

I think about you in that purple lingerie and those heels in a trench coat that flows from the waist

I think about taking it off piece after piece

I think about you undressed, in front of my eyes, seeing your entirety and taking it all in

I think about pulling your naked body into mine and explore

I think about the small of your back and how it’ll respond to my touch

I think about my lips meeting yours for the first time

I think about my hands getting in tune with the rhythm of your body

I think about stroking you mildly, in the most loving way, with no drama, not tied up or gagged, just old fashion love making and collapsing into you right after

I think about picking you up, slamming you on tables, pinning you on walls, clearing the kitchen counter with your back, breaking the new sofa, in the shower, from behind, from the front, mouth stuffed, hair pulled and breasts sore. Not so gentle this time.

I think about the first time you’ll say to me that I’m yours and every part of you will be mine to subject to the pleasures of loving you.

Tell me in what ways left I’m yet to love you and I’ll think about it, I’ll learn it, and it’ll lurk for when you want it. For there’s no form of love that ever existed or will exist that I won’t put you through if thought and want were allowed to transcend into reality.

I’ll leave my version of the song that inspired this piece…

The sound of you is better than harmony, I want to be close to you ever than we’ve ever been. I want you off my Mind and on me. This shouldn’t have to be a dream, I want you here. It doesn’t get any better than you. I want to say I want to fall like it’s the season, but I’ll say I’m Niagara I’ll keep falling till times end, and for you.

I want to love you, in every kind of way. I want to please you, no matter how long it takes. The world could end tomorrow, that’s why I’ll give you my all today. I want to love you, I’ve got to love you.

- Excerpt from the series “every month has a piece of my heart” inspired by the song every kind of way by H.E.R.