I miss you

I know we’re all supposed to experience the moments that we can and move on with what we’re left with, but some days more than others I miss you in ways I can’t explain. I walk down memory lane knowing I’ll run into you, the only place I’m certain to.

Sometimes I hold open the door hoping that you’ll miss me at the same time I do you and you’ll wander in, and maybe we’ll hold hands and share laughs as we walk through the meadow of memories we created. Time they say is an illusion, but every moment we share is imprinted in my mind like a mirror for tomorrow always reflecting, or maybe just projecting.

I miss you are words I don’t even know how to speak to you because I feel like we’ve walked so far away from where we used to be that I shouldn’t have to miss you in the way that I do. And I also fear that if maybe I say them to you, you might not take them as I give them. So I’d rather stay here in my alone dwelling on the you I have control over, the you in the memories I harbor.

Recently, I see people and I immediately remember some moments we shared, and I want to immediately call your name and tell you as I used to, or when I do those things that we’ve talked about doing and I just remember that all I now have of you is a mirage of where you used to be, and for where I want you to be, you never really are.

It hurts to reach out and be met with blanks, to hold on and be left to hang, to want you, and to be reminded that all I have of you are these memories that are now just mirages of what you used to be.

I miss you, and I really hope that you miss me too. We might not have each other anymore, or maybe we miss each other and we’re not where we want to be or can be for a reason or the other. But I really do miss you.

x - Tobi Ahmad