Heartbreak is a piece of cake.

You hear “it’s over” and at least you know of course there’s been a build-up from the side that initiates it or not! There’s usually a reason why it happens disclosed or not, there always is. But have you ever had to learn to grow apart from someone you’ve tied your heart to, fully aware that their heart is tied also to yours?

The easiest part is to acknowledge that you actually have to grow apart, that the beautiful love you nurture has to come to a halt, and that this person that is your only friend (probably), or favorite person in the world would just seize to be that to you. Then the doubt and denial of the situation start to creep in, you start to find alternatives to being together without being together, hence the back and forth, pulling strength from each other, not wanting to be the reason “why”, if the conversation ever comes up again.

There then comes the confusion of how you want to go about it. Do you still talk in bits or completely cut off all communications? The fights start to spring up because you want them to fight for you, and they also want you to fight for them. There also is the fear of not wanting to be the one left alone, so from each end, everyone starts to hold out and protect themselves from the hurt that is to come.

Then comes the short pauses to see who reaches out first, a habit that isn’t familiar. A different pattern is formed as to the way you interact. With all the love that you carry, with all the care that you nurture, with all of their world that is yours, and yours that is theirs too, you sit back a realize that you actually are drifting apart, that it’s almost over.

You see that point when you start to wonder, what are they doing right now? how are they doing? Or you see something somewhere that reminds you of them, and you realize that’s all that you have, to be reminded. That’s when it dawns on you, this person is gone, and that’s the realization you have to accept. To learn how to unlearn them as part of your every day, your new journey, your new purpose to living. Sad, but the only way forward.

The hands you once held aren’t yours to hold no more, their warmth is one you don’t have access to anymore, the way they look at you is now only in your memory, their smiles that form for you won’t happen again, the way they’ve cared for you only lives in your past. The reality of your presence is their absence. All of a sudden, they aren’t yours anymore, however much you or they want the story changed, it most likely won’t happen.

“Love is tragic,” they say, but “love always prevails” They’ll also say, they never tell you about the wails that follow when their myth turns to fluke, when their fairytale turns into tragedy. They’ll then say things like “love doesn’t always work”, “every beginning has an end”, “there’s a right person and wrong time” or whatever consolation they think would fit the forever concept they’ve painted love to be.

Then again! who are they, enough to tell you what love is to be? Or no, who are you to defy the they that happens to decide how it should be? Maybe that’s why it’s not going well.

“How can I say goodbye to you, when you’ve given me one of the best moments of my life? You’ve loved me more than anyone ever has, and now I think back at memories, moments, and feelings that have you in them, and all I can say is you’re the absolute best! I said I’ll choose and keep choosing you, but here we are at the very brink of goodbye! I don’t know if you ever got there to do the same for me, but regardless! I knew you love me and that was enough. So thank you! Cheers to the numerous goodbyes we’ve said! I hope you’re happier without me, I hope you’re in a better place. You’ve given me so much of you in different ways than I know to appreciate, but you know not for a second do I take any of it for granted. I hope you don’t hate me because you are mad at the fact that you love me, I’m trying from my end to not, I love you. but we can’t love each other, no?”

Time to fly birdie, you’re out of this world that might have been cage to you, I hope you’re free, sleep well, and breathe better.

Tobi - Excerpt from a home built on bones, Phase Title: A soul that has chosen calm of chaos! For me and for you.