Have you ever loved?
You think back to certain moments and you smile at the fool you’ve been, not for the wrong moments, but the right ones. Would you play that fool again if given the chance? Absolutely. So let me ask again.. have you truly loved beyond reason? Because I have, more than once in my life.
If you’re too lazy to read click here to listen.
I remember taking a stroll in the rain with someone all because I wanted to spend more time in their company. Funny but absolutely beautiful, it felt like a page out of a movie script… the only way I know to love by the way. I also once cooked okro soup even though the smell of it could bring out the entire contents of my bowels, but I did cook it with a huge smile on my face. I woke up at 6 am to make breakfast… I loved my morning sleep. I tried to see other people so I’ll convince myself that I wasn’t in love with this person, but every one I tried with ended up learning they existed and they’ll always send me back
One time I forgot I was living with people and I lived on my phone for days with this person, I hadn’t met them in person yet. I remember staying up all night talking over the phone whispering and being whispered gibberish all to fall asleep and wake up searching for them again first thing in the morning. I remember not getting out of bed one morning till 4 pm because I was talking about nothing in particular. One time, I needed to get this cologne that I use for someone, and the only vendor I could find wasn’t going to deliver to the current state I was in, nor the state I was going to(I was going to see her here)… I made a detour to another state entirely to pick up the cologne.
One day, I had an 11 am exam and I wanted to ask this person out that day because she was done with hers. So I thought to ease her stress through the exam period by planning a subtle candlelight picnic and also asking her out in the process. I left straight for the market right after, got vegetables, chicken, poundo yam, fruits, a slice of cake, etc. and I cooked till 6 pm! We had a movie for 7 pm that we almost missed because I couldn’t prepare on time. (No long story, she told me I took too long to ask her out, she’s with some black boy now). I packed her food for her, went to class, and read for my 8 am exam the next day.
One time, I took a stroll to some park and I so a flower shop at the entrance. I remembered getting a bouquet and sending it to someone I’d barely met.. just two weeks I think because she said she had never received flowers as a gift and she always loved it when she saw it in movies. We didn’t make it past the third week but it still was worth it being able to make someone smile.
I really don’t think about anything else when I start being a fool for love because tell me why I had an 8 am exam the next day and I was in a back seat talking about missing said exams if I slept off at 3 in the morning. One time, on the street, I played a little too much and we both fell in the drainage! Thank goodness it wasn’t wet, we stood up laughing like the maniacs that we both were. Another time it was a water fight, another it was going to the movies at 10 am like the jobless people that we are. But guess what? It really was beautiful.
Very early into life,(PS my love game didn’t just start when I got older) I had this neighbor I shared the same class with and anytime she came first in school, we fight and if the tables turned we still fought. We stayed in the same area, went to school together every morning, and left together every evening. We were fond of each other but had a very violent way of expressing it. She came for a sleepover one time at mines, we studied together and played the violence away. Except a couple of years later when I was in uni, she got married on my birthday.
Do you know how I’m a published author? Or maybe you don’t, but I am. So I wrote my first anthology collection, wrote a whole ass novel, and published it because I was infatuated by this soul of a person. It was hilarious because it lasted all of three(3) months, but I could swear that was the hardest I ever hit the ground. I fell hard. The similarities were too much, I cooked, went on multiple dates, drives, and all that. But you know what, it was inconclusive still.
I think I’ll hang the coat here and let you ask you all of the times you’ve loved and mumu for love. Those moments really are beautiful, and I know you probably would remember some and laugh and remind yourself how you’ve let yourself live before.
Having failed love stories isn’t reason enough to swear off love, or punish the next person that you get to encounter to the line of love. What you’ve done doesn’t matter, who accepts or rejects also doesn’t! But the truth is when you do these things for you, it won’t matter how it affects your life and your ability to do it again.
I guess this is a quest to remind me of moments I’ve cherished over time and remember how beautiful loving and being loved is. Wait on the next episode “Have you been loved?”.
