Goodbye my friend
Time to declutter my vortex, but you’re the only one that has to go. The rest are stepping blocks to being better, I won’t have a story without them. But YOU, you dangled all of my wants in my face and took it right back. Like a dog playing fetch, now I have to be rid of something I so much want!
For the vortex I claim to be, I don’t think I’ve ever been to the place where I’ve felt the need to say goodbye. But today, right here, right now, this goodbye I have to say. I have to let you go, I have to wake up from this slumber I’ve let myself slip into. A lucid dream of some sort, I didn’t want to open my eyes before, I wanted to stay here with you, hold you like always, and savor every moment but that has come to an end. Sorry! We have to come to an end.
Over time, my ability to be a vortex I’ve carried with pride… until you showed up until I had to try you in the vortex. It’s not safe for the others in there, or the ones that are yet to arrive. Putting you in my vortex is like storing a thousand stones in a place only meant for one. This is not going to work, I can’t hold on to you and expect to move on to another.
I am a vortex that can never contain you, I’ll rather pick out the items I need, the laughs, the real moments, the grasp I had at the straw, the walks, the food, the routine, the every of all that had you with me. I’m letting go of dreams and wishes, hopes and expectations, our kids, our dream home, our life, and our every of all. I’m letting you go, I’m cleaning up for the next you to come. It’s time to go.
But here’s something I want to say to you, a note of some sort. So read and pay close attention. This might be the last one until it’s not. Lol. I’ve never seen anyone on a definite finish, so you don’t have that choice either.
Hello you,
I hope you’re doing well? I know you are. If anything, I trust you always are. You look out for you in a cruel world, one of the reasons why I respect you so much. Please keep doing that.
We’re here now at a point where I’m tidying up for the next show for the road, but just like you can’t fix a broken mirror to perfection, I’ll carry your obvious cracks on me and the world would see.
I always thought that with you is the peak of perfection, but I’ve been told over time that there’s always going to be one more. The time that we shared is nothing short of perfect! I get flashbacks in my sleep, every time I see you! I just remember. I travel to moments that have you in them. Some insignificant strolls through the mall, that particular late-night walk, your smiles that formed for me, the look in your eyes when you couldn’t stare too long, and a lot more that can’t even be put into context.
I didn’t want to have accepted that you’re not mine anymore, you never really were. It’s like a no-go zone, no one gets there. I never really wanted this written, if not I’ll have to see its reality. But here we are now.
Cheers to the good life ahead of you, the life where you’re not mine and I’m always yours! Cruel world. But that part of my heart that beats for you won’t ever stop. I hope your choices make you twice as happy.
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It’s end of March tomorrow and I don’t want to break my monthly streak! Here’s a little something from the archives. I’m having the creative block, and I can’t write if not! I would have come for all of the people that said “you love love too much, you shouldn’t have to express/interpret love the way you do”. I will address your case in my next blogpost.
x-Tobi
— Excerpt from “a home built on bones”.
