Don’t fall in love with your idea of me.
The reason why most relationships fail is because you mostly don’t learn the people you choose to go into them with. You have an idea of what you want love to be for you and when you see a person whose physical aesthetic matches with that idea you’ve romanticized in your head, you drop all the other values you might have defined for everything else they’re supposed to be to you.
Loving a person goes beyond you as an entity, it involves them also. To learn them, understand them, and see them! Really see the them they truly are, not what you expect them to be. It doesn’t happen in an instant.
Of course, I say always that you can choose the person that you fall in love with, but that only works if they choose you back.
Personally, there are certain values you shouldn’t compromise upon, there are questions you should ask, and there are conversations that must be had. Do not think that by giving love, you’ll get exactly that in return.
Constant and honest check of the progress of each other’s feelings and emotions is important for everyone involved. A proper definition of what’s going on, declaration of intentions, addressing what comes up as issues until it’s totally settled (even if it takes 10 conversations of the same issue), and just general communication and clear up of misunderstandings. You’ll be surprised what you can learn from just constantly talking about things that matter and how you can easily grow the bond you share.
It’s better for two people that don’t love each other to choose to learn and grow together and find love in the process than to choose to love a person you don’t know and wait for them to fall in love with you in the process.
At least you know exactly where you are and by communicating where you’re going, and choosing to go there together, you’ll get there even faster. Love is more than giving, and it’s hurtful if there’s no receiving involved. Love is reciprocation. if not, it’s just a breeding ground for hurt to properly fester.
I originally wrote this below piece in 2021 and it just sits in my note and I’m yet to put anything out this month, so it serves as an inspiration to the piece.
The idea of me was not what I’d expect you to fall in love with.
I’d have liked it for you to want my naughtiness.
I’d like you to love me through my flaws.
I’d like you to see my broken piece, see my pain.
I’d have liked for you to know my hidden secrets and still choose me.
Don’t create a me in your head, it’d only lead you to disappointment.
Don’t mar the chances you have with me by creating the me you want in your head, learn me.
I’m not even sorry that I’m not who you thought me to be.
I can’t be that version of me except it’s for the better.
I mean if you know me and you think I can be better, that’s different.
But don’t expect to change me if you don’t know where I’ve been scarred.
You can’t nurse a wound you don’t know exist.
I’ll bare to you my soul if only you’d wait for just a little while longer.
There’s love for everyone, the broken and the lost, they’d all find their perfect match.
Don’t try fixing a ruin that is seen as perfect, change your point of view. Maybe you’ll see it too.
I hope you someday find your one person that will choose you as you have chosen them because nothing in life is nicer than having peace in a person that calls you theirs and they’re yours.
