3:00 am Journal entry
So I woke up this morning listening to Hausa songs for absolutely no reason. This is the point where Bash says “We finally lost another one” very tribalist by the way but you get it. Since he connected to his Yoruba side, everyone else has to conform or they’re in simple terms “lost”. Totally unrelated to this blog post, but just to keep you informed.
I uploaded a couple of pictures and videos on my WhatsApp story last night, a very unusual occurrence, if my life was an application, I’d have gotten multiple prompts of. “unusual activities recorded” or say “bugs detected” if I was still under development. But yeah yeah, this is just an intro.
I wanted to express myself over a recent phase I stumbled into for reasons known only to me (+ the people that put me there). I’m currently on this path where nothing else but growth matters really, financially, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and all of those positive ally’s that y’all be listing out.
I’m seeking out comfort and solace in self and that might be a very tedious journey, provided that I’ve always at every point in time had a one person whose eyes I see as the prettiest, and I’ve always seen the world through whatever pair reigns at the given time. I must admit that it has proven not to be a terrible technique at all. I have grown through it, and I have learnt a lot from that also. So if I was to do it over again, I won’t hesitate.
But right now, I need to see through my own eyes and accept that I’m indifferent about pets, dance makes me happy, poetry makes me smile, writing is my best form of expression, I am worth anything I want (I don’t need to prove that to anyone), I can achieve so much more if I let my priorities align, I love love, I’m soft at heart, I hate people suffering, there are patterns I like things done in(if you’re not sure, just look at my face you’ll know), I get easily irritated by things, I love my personal space, I don’t like sharing anything at all (not even my pen) and that’s not all, I have to embark on this journey to understand that before I picked up all the people in my vortex, there was me and I also am a force on my own.
I read somewhere “that it’s a big flex when you can separate your individuality from the people closest to you! You’re the only entity that is guaranteed to be there till time’s end, not to be selfish, but to be self-conscious”.
Moments you pass through make up one’s life, it could be with people, places, or things.
You look back sometimes at your actions and inactions and realize how every point in time has contributed heavily to the person you have grown into, however insignificant. Good moments or bad moments, there’s always something to learn from, to grow from. It might take you time to realize how some moments have impacted you, but you will eventually. (Or not, some of us just take life on vibes and Insha Allah)
I’m most grateful for the people I’ve experienced in terms of friendship, family, and acquaintances. I have experienced and surrounded the best of people honestly. Relationships are nurtured, doesn’t mean they’ll last forever. Defining every relationship accurately might help sustain them.
People come and go in life, but that doesn’t mean you’re flawed, not valued, or not wanted. It’s important to know that you simply outgrow people and people can also outgrow you at certain life points, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your memory of moments is yours, you can always remember and smile, or subject yourself to the punishment of hurt every time you remember. (Everyone processes events differently, but you can try to be a bit more positive).
There’s a lot more to life than waiting around for things to happen for you, it doesn’t really happen like that for lots of people. (Some are lucky honestly).
-This post was prompted by going through my gallery for the year 2021 — 2022.
-I’ll try to turn this post into a podcast, I’ll leave a link if I do. (I diddddddd! Click the link..😌)
x-Tobi
